I was actually doing the laundry when a housemate bursts, "Ate, inuulan ka na dyan ah!" My reply? A laugh. And then a few scenes flashes before me.
Earlier that day, my boss asked me, "So how's the team?" I can't think of an answer. She follows up with "how's the morale of the team?" I answered, "okay naman po". Then back to thinking, what should I say?
Last night, just as I was getting out of the comfort room I walk past another executive and he bids me "ingat" and I smiled shyly as a response.
What the heck is wrong with me? This has to stop. I must stop over-thinking of the right things to say. A good conversation needs spontaneity and I think it was erroneously scratched out of my Webster's dictionary. I wonder how I even get into schoolpaper during high school when I couldn't even last in a 3-second conversation. I know I have a problem with not-thinking-before-speaking thing but that is in front of my closest friends. And offensive words between close friends are acceptable. My being too careful and cautious in front of other people is the problem. Filtering the right words to say ends up in a laugh, a smile or a giggle. I know it can be cute at times but not all the time.
I remember my very first offense of this violation is the night before my 19th birthday. A long-time crush greeted me "Uy, happy birthday ah" and I know I should grab the opportunity to start a conversation but I think my brain melted along with my heart and all of my senses and the only thing I was able to do was smile shyly. Not even a "thank you" came out of my mouth! Gah! I feel so stupid after that incident.
Oh no! This is beginning to become a habit. It can't! I must stop thinking of words that could've been said and start practicing of actually saying it out loud. This beginning-to-be-a-habit of mine could possibly be the reason why people think I am snob or stupid even. Not saying anything to somebody's statement when you know he/she is talking to you is in fact snobbish. And not responding to a statement can make you look stupid. And I don't want either of that.
Maybe I should stop blogging and start talking to someone who actually talks back eh? -C
