Doubts and Praises

         She is a shy girl. She does not respond well to acknowledgements and appreciations. She is not used to being showered with praises so she tends to reply with sarcasm. She will start to doubt you when you try to tell good things about her. She is so distrustful she would immediately think that you are doing or saying things because that is what you think is what she wanted to see or hear. You may think that she feels giddy and excited about your flattery but the truth is she that was just being polite and she hates the attention. -C

Twenty Nine

Today marks my 29th year of existence on earth. I really have very low expectation for today since I'm abroad and I don't have my family and friends here. In fact, as a gift, I just wanted to go home early from work and have a good rest which I have not done for the last 2 months. By the way, today also marks my 2nd month here in the Middle East. Double celebration right? But nah, all I want is a good, long and peaceful sleep.

I started my day early since I have a deadline today. Plus, I was kind of hoping that I can get out of the office earlier than my weekday routine. See, I was fine this morning. Just having a little pity party that I need to get up early and I'm exhausted but... I was fine. I don't have the time to dwell on anything. I was too busy, too occupied with a lot of work.

Then the afternoon came. Did I mention that ever since I came here I felt like I've done nothing right? It's like the word "mistake" is written all over my output. I've put a lot of effort in everything that I do but I still feel like that's not enough. I feel very inefficient. And that's not me. I take my job very seriously. But what made this day worse is a comment that definitely bruised my ego, broke my heart and pull my self-esteem to the lowest level. 

"Whatever she does, make sure you check it. And check every line item if you have to do it."

As an analyst/accountant, this is a big deal. This has got to be the biggest insult I have ever received in my professional life. My former officemates know how I work and I believe I've earned their respect because of that. But being talked about negatively in my profession is really insulting let alone be the subject of two people sitting right next to you. And it's like they didn't even try to be discreet. It's like they wanted you to hear.

In my entire life, I've never aimed to be recognized. I just wanted to be valued. Even my CV can attest to that. And I always say that during my interviews. So if a company cannot give me that in return of my hardwork and dedication, then I don't think it will work out for me. -C