So... This is it. I'm here –
abroad. I'm officially an OFW
(Overseas Filipino Worker). To be honest, I don't really know what to expect
with my new job, the environment and all. I saw a lot of Filipinos as soon as my
plane landed so I guess it's a good sign. Anyway, I came here with an open mind and
without any expectation so it should be a good start. I hope it’s a good
start.
Five days ago…
It was Monday when I received a call from the agency informing me that I
MIGHT be flying on Saturday. It got me thinking, "this is it, it's happening". I
had to stop everything I was doing at that moment to think about my decision.
Not that I was having second thoughts or something like that but... I had a realization. It has sunk in.
I'm leaving my family. I'm leaving my home. I'm leaving my friends. I'm leaving
everything I'm comfortable with. I’m leaving the life I’ve grown up to.
The next day, the recruitment person called to inform me that they’ve already booked
me a flight on Friday evening. Wait a minute, Friday?, it’s a day earlier than the
original plan. Okay. Friday. Today is Tuesday. That's three days from now. I'm freaking out. Everything's been confirmed. Ticket's booked.
My heart is beating irregularly and my mind is imagining a lot of scenarios
especially because I'll be flying alone. I've only flown out of the country
once. I was with a lot of friends then and it was just for a 3-day tour. Alright, I'm
having my PDOS (Pre-Departure Orientation Seminar) right now and I have to focus. Though they don't make me feel less nervous, still, I have to concentrate. But my
mind is constantly escaping the orientation room.
Fast forward to Friday, early on I have decided I don’t want anyone from
my family to drive me to the airport or any of my friends for that matter. I
know how those stories go. When one starts crying, I’ll probably start doing
the same. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to leave with tears in our
eyes. I won't cry. I don't cry. I’m going to come back anyway. This is not for good. But like a promise, hours before I leave, I
decided I needed a car for my luggage bags. Also, I had to do some errands
before I go to the airport so I need a car. Yeah, that’s the only reason. I need a car.
With all the nervousness and freaking out the past few days, surprisingly,
I was calm and collected that day. Except that time when it’s 20 minutes past 8
o’clock and we were still stuck in traffic. My flight is leaving at 11 in the
evening and I was supposed to be in the airport 3-4 hours before that. I was
trying to listen and occasionally laugh at my 5-year old nephew’s innocent
remarks but deep inside I was really getting anxious and worried. I bowed my
head down and practically prayed to every saint that I can recall at that time that
we reach the airport before it’s too late. Amazingly, we were able to get to
Terminal 1 on time. As soon as the car parked, I jumped out of it and ran
towards the entrance dragging my backpack and luggage bag. No time for mushy-sappy-emotional goodbyes. I'm not comfortable with that. Just waves, “take care”s and a kiss for my nephew/godson.
Didn’t even took a minute.
Inside the departure area, I was trying to organize my thoughts, be
attentive, observe and act like I know what I'm doing. I was trying to remember all the instructions explained
to me during the orientation and final briefing. I didn’t want to look like a
kid lost in a sea of people. I want to look as if I've been doing this flying thing regularly so people won’t prey on me. Plus there are those "laglag-bala" incidents so I really need to be alert. Instinct and confidence were my only weapon
at that time and those were enough. I survived the process. I survived the
barriers. I survived the flight. My plane landed safely. I’m here now in the hotel room, alone.
I remember one year ago, I prayed for this. I felt so lost that I wanted
to go somewhere far away. I wanted to start a new life. Restart. I wanted to
disappear or go someplace where nobody knows me. Funny but I even dreamt of
joining CIA because I felt like I have nothing left to lose. I have no fear. My
greatest fear already happened. I know I still have a purpose in this world
because I'm supporting my nephews with their schooling and my father, my father
asked me to never leave him. But beyond that, I'm not sure anymore. I felt like
I'm still living because other people needed me. But when I think about myself,
I can't find a reason to go on. And I hope this new chapter of my life gives me a reason that can change my mind how I think about my life. -C
