AKTV Fun Run

Our running shoes =)

                 I am not really a fan of running growing up. I sure did some running during my elementary and high school days like racing my classmates to be the first to get to the classroom, running after the boys who like to tease me by grabbing my bag, racing against my childhood friends on our way home and a lot more not-so-serious run. I remember my mother used to wake me up early in the morning and invite me to jog with her and I’d rather sleep than try to catch my breath while sweating and running. I’m lazy that way and I guess it has something to do with the fact that I was young then and not concerned with my health as most kids are.

                Now, as a working girl who stayed stuck in front of a computer for more than 9 hours a day in 5 days (and sometimes 6), I begin to worry about not sweating enough. The office is air-conditioned and my job is not physically demanding (well, except from the working-overnight-and-waking-up-early part). We used to play badminton once, twice or thrice a week but then the gym where we used to play is now owned by another company so apparently, we can’t play there anymore and we’re too tight-pocket to spend on gym rentals.

Runner number

                  Good thing Fun Runs became common and I experienced my first fun run during the launching of AKTV Live Active. Categories are 3K, 5K, 10K and 21K. My officemates and I wanted to go for 3K since it is majority’s first but then somebody advised us to go for 5K for a complete set of freebies. So we did. Without warm up, without practice, we went straight to running. We were aware that it wouldn’t be easy. After the 1K mark I was panting already and I thought why in the first place have I decided to join? Why am I doing this to myself? But I had to finish what I started. I was anxious to see the 2K mark and then 3K, the 4K and finally, the most comforting sign that I have ever seen - the FINISH line.  

                 I can’t remember how long it took me to finish that run. But I am sure it is more than one hour. Not bad for a first time runner I guess. It was the longest 5 kilometers I have ever seen in my life. We were joking that we did a 1K run and a 4K walk. But you know that jokes are half-meant. So maybe there’s a little truth in there somewhere. Haha!  I was prepared to stay in bed the next day for I know that my body will beg for some rest, massage and mercy. ‘Til my next run. -C

How Can You Love Her When I Love You So Much?

Since I cannot hide forever that I own this blog, I decided to use this picture which is currently my profile picture on Facebook.

                There are a lot of quotations, movie lines and passages I know that I thought I can relate to or in a way I can apply in a certain situation in my life. Then I came across this line cited by a girl who, apparently, is so much in love with a guy then I realize, this is the best line that can describe how I feel for a special guy. This is the best line that I should tell a guy -- a guy that I dearly love, but I know I can’t.

                

                  It started with the big “maling akala” that all is fair in love and in war. Sobrang mali talaga! I thought anything can possibly happen but when I get older and get to think maturely, I have learned to assess the possibility of things to happen. I’ve learned to accept the things that are impossible to happen. Lastly, I’ve learned to give up on battles I know I can never win before I lose.

                “How can you love her when I love you so much?” This is the best line for a loser like me. It’s like “Can’t we be together?” when you know that the guy has someone. It sounds too villain-ish isn’t it? Just like the flirty and slutty girl in every love story, the one who always try to separate two people in love. It’s annoying on the fans of the happy couple who love each other so much. This line is supposed to be a relationship-wrecker. I just hope I have the right and the power to tell that guy this line. And when I do, I hope to see what I supposed to see.

                ♪♫♪ What makes her so much better than me? What makes her just everything I can never be? What makes her your every dream and fantasy? ♪♫♪ These are lines from a song When It Was Me by Paula DeAnda, a song I can listen to over and over again. There is so much bitterness. Bakit ba kasi hindi pwedeng mahalin ka din ng taong mahal mo? Why someone has to suffer? Why should somebody be hurt? Is it really necessary in finding true love? What if that true love is the one that loves somebody else? I can go on and on but nobody will dare to answer me. There are no definite answers to questions about love. 

                Mas mabuti pa yatang hindi ka na lang matutong magmahal. You won’t be hurt. Sad part is, youll never be happy too. And love will find you no matter how hard you try to hide. Mas ironic pa nga minsan kasi yung mga nagtatago at umiiwas, sila yung hinahanap at pilit hinahabol ng pinagtataguan nila. Hide from it, wait for it or look for it… either way, LOVE WILL FIND YOU. So just pray hard that when love find you and try to break you, it won’t be as painful as everybody describes is.

                ♪♫♪ Life is beautiful but it’s complicated. We barely make it. We don’t need to understand. There are miracles, miracles ♪♫♪ So hopeful that I want to believe it. Well, I have nothing to lose if I do believe in it. It could bring me hope too. I can think that ‘we’ or ‘us’ is still possible as long as we are alive. Just like what the saying “what you think, you attract.” Sana lahat ng bagay ganun para lahat ng gusto kong mangyari iisipin ko na lang. And in an instant, it’s happening before my very eyes.

                “Our hearts, they need a break.” Siguro nga, pero kailan? O hanggang kailan? Should the mind decide for the heart? Or the heart should decide for itself? Pero ‘di ba dapat you never get tired of looking for true love? Or looking for the right one? Ah ewan! Sobrang dami ng sayings. At sa sobrang dami, contradicting na yung iba. Ano ba ang tama? Hayyy! So complicated. Swerte na lang ng mga may magagandang love story. Pero sabagay, they won’t have great love stories if it wasn’t for the hurt and the pain that they have gone through. -C

The Comet

This is my favorite scene from One Tree Hill.

Here's another link Lucas and Peyton fight

Peyton: “Lucas and Peyton, True Love Always”. Always Lucas, that’s what we were supposed to have until you showed up in LA three years ago and ambushed me!

Lucas: If by ambush you mean proposed to you?

Peyton: Oh yeah, out of the blue. A proposal that was driven by some insecurity I have never been able to understand.

Lucas: Insecure? Right! Let me tell you how you get ‘always’ Peyton. When a man asks you to marry him, you say ‘yes’ you don’t say ‘no’ and call him insecure.

Peyton: I never said no! I said that I love you and I did wanna marry you someday. And God! I wanted to so bad! But you gave up on us.

Lucas: I gave up on us?

Peyton: Yes!

Lucas: By proposing I gave up on us?

Peyton: No, by not waiting you gave up on us. You know that’s the truth.

Lucas: That’s great Peyton! You wanna talk truth? Let’s tell the truth. YOU gave up on me. That’s why you didn’t say yes. You didn’t think I can do it.

You might wonder why this is my favorite part when it is obvious that they are fighting. It’s been four or six years after they graduated from high school. They have lived different lives after that. They have their own stories but as promised four years ago, everybody decided to come back to their home, Tree Hill because there is only One Tree Hill.

         Lucas is engaged to his book editor Lindsey whom he “fell in love” after breaking up with Peyton. Peyton came back for her best friend, Brooke, who came back for Tree Hill because she’s tired of her life in The Big Apple and misses the old Brooke. When Peyton saw Lucas at the historical court, she confessed how much she loves him. (They were together after high school and then broke up.) Apparently, she had no idea that he is committed to someone. She just heard him saying, “Peyton, there is someone.” I can imagine the pain in her eyes, and Luke’s too. They did not talk for a long time after that.

          When they had the opportunity to confront each other, my favorite scene happened. I just love the fact that Lucas is engaged to someone else and Peyton decided to forget about her feelings but when their paths crossed, boom! Their feelings exploded! They were not together yet they were mad and fighting over the past, the reason why they broke up in the first place. Just when I thought Luke has found a new love and Peyton had decided not to fight for her love. The reason that they are fighting is because they are still madly in love with each other and they hate it that they are not together. He was mad because she ‘rejected’ his proposal. She was mad because he easily found a ‘Peyton replacement’.

            During that time, Lucas was supposed to write a book but he cannot seem to find the inspiration then all of a sudden after coming back to Tree Hill and seeing Peyton, everything went back. He was writing again. Lindsey thought it was because of Tree Hill. Hence, The Comet -- Lucas Scott’s latest book. Everybody thought it was science-related. Then Lucas-Lindsey wedding came. Peyton was by her car, cannot seem to come inside the church, Lindsey saw her and decided to talk to her, to fix any bad memories between them. They walked back towards the church. Just before Lindsey walk down the aisle, she realized she don’t have with her the bouquet of flowers or the veil (I can’t remember which one exactly). She remembered talking to Peyton by her car so she might have left it there. She was right. She found it in Peyton’s car which also happens to have the name encrypted in it, Comet.

             

The Comet. It was Peyton. It was all about her all along. It is a love story. It was their story. -C

Habit of Falling

          It was a Saturday afternoon and it was drizzling. I'm on my way to SM Megamall to meet my sister and my nephew. I was wearing slippers but the road was not that slippery. I was going down the stairs and thinking about a lot of things at the same time. Which I realize is a not so good combination. I was so busy thinking and all of a sudden I realize I was falling down he stairs. I slipped. I tried to get back up and walk straight and calm as if nothing happened but then my bag fell straight to the ground. And so I went for my bag but my left foot tripped so I almost fell again. Everything happened so fast. I know that a lot of people saw me. Some maybe laughing and some maybe oblivious. But for the first time in my life I've never felt so unabashed after an embarrassing moment of my life. I walked nonchalantly. 

           Just so you know, I also fell in that same stairs when I was a kid, maybe that was acceptable 'cause I was just a kid but that was more embarrassing  for me. I just remembered saying these words, the first time I fell, damn stairs! The second time I fell, stupid me! Those realizations were running in my head as I was trying to suppress a smile off my stupidity. I thought I was careless no more. That's what I thought. Tsk! Tsk!

Shadows of Mistakes

Taken from the plane on our way to Legazpi, Albay. The clouds look amazing yet it brings sadness in me.

                Mistakes are inevitable… part of our lives. We live and die making mistakes. Hence a line from a song Human, “I’m only human, I’m born to make mistakes.” No person ever existed without committing any error. These errors greatly affect our lives -- the greater the error, the greater the effect. Some people might even be remembered through the errors they have made. It may even be the reason why we now know what is right. Future decisions are influenced by previous mistakes. Most importantly, we learn from our mistakes, shame on you if you don’t. It is hard when there is no way to correct what you did; harder when there is no second chance; hardest when you are living in the shadows of your mistakes.

                When I was in high school, my parents used to tell me to study hard, stay away from barkadas, refrain from staying out late, go home after school and those entire parents rule. But just like any other teenager, I had my fair share of acting out on it. I once got so attached with my barkadas that I barely see my family just to be with my friends. I was out late almost every night just hanging out with them. We would go to different places after school just to spend time together – mountains, friend’s house, restaurants, plazas, even stay at school jamming and singing along to every song that we know. I remember having a fight with my mother for staying out so late. She tried to look for me in those places where she knows I might be. She did not find me. I went home past midnight and my brother told me that Mama is out looking for me. We live in a province where night life is not so common. People are asleep before the clock strikes ten. You could just imagine my mother’s worries when her daughter did not come home by midnight. That is why she came looking for me, worse, she didn’t find me. I was asleep when she got home. All her worries turned to anger. She was mad and furious and infuriated. She kicked me so hard that I had to get up. I cried endlessly. That was the first time she became so violent punishing me for something I did wrong. Usually it’s my father hitting me with his belt or slippers or branch of a tree, whatever he can get. And it is usually my mother stopping him for doing so. This time is different. She is so enraged. She’s taking out all her fears on me.

                That incident turned out ugly. I did not talk to her for one week. I know somehow that it was my fault but what she did is not right and she knows it. I know she feels sorry and she wanted so bad to tell me. But I was shutting her off. I did not deserve that. I did nothing wrong to get that kind of punishment. I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. I was just hanging out with my friends, having a good time. Is that so bad? I am a teenager. Don’t I deserve to have the time of my life? Those were my dilemma. Time passed and we eventually found ourselves talking to each other with the past misunderstanding forgotten, left behind us. No sorry’s, no promises not to do it again. Everything went normal as it used to be. Though no promises were made to each other, I did promise to myself that it won’t happen again. I cannot afford to lose her trust again. In the end, it is me who will suffer the most. Plus I cannot live not talking to her. I haven’t mentioned that I am a mama’s girl so ignoring her is one of the hardest things to do.

                All their fears, my mother and my father’s, is due to my siblings’ mistakes. They all married at a young age, though legal, they were still young. I don’t know how old my brother was when he got married. I was too young to remember. But he didn’t get to finish college because of barkada influence. I lost my older sister for almost a year and then she came back with my first ever niece. No words as to when she did get married. She ambushed us with a husband and a baby. My parents doubt it if they because she’s already pregnant at the age of twenty one. I can’t imagine my parents’ frustrations on their three children. I guess they were being a little cautious on me.

                Growing up, I was always told that I was just like my sisters – careless and irresponsible. I hate it when they tell me that. I hate it when they compare me to my siblings especially when I did nothing like them. I hate it when they tell me those things when my sisters are present. I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry that they are always reminded of their mistakes. I understand that my parents are mad for what had happened but they have to move on. I hate to think that my siblings are defined by their mistakes. I chose not to make the same mistakes. Eventually, I proved to everyone that I am not like someone   that they think I would be. And I am proud of what I have done so far. I hope I have made them proud too.

                If my sisters have not committed those mistakes, then maybe it would be me. I am not happy that it happened to them but I am thankful that it had happened 'cause it reminded me of what I must not do. Plus I am happy to have my nephews and nieces. Having kids running around the house is always a good and fun thing to see. The bad thing is, the careless-and-irresponsible thing is passed on to them. I think it will live on forever as long as somebody can remember. I just hope that my nephews and niece would also know what to do to shake it off their shoulders, to let everyone know their own identity. -C

Do Something!

          Everybody has their own love stories, some are happy, some are lonely, and some are tragic, some worth remembering, some worth forgotten, different beginnings with different endings. But one thing is common, it all started with feelings – love at first sight, hatred, fondness, annoyed and all that.





         They say feelings should be communicated which I disagree, especially if you are a girl. I still believe that boys should make the first move, should make the move. Old school perhaps but that is what I believe and that is what I want to happen. That is the very same reason why I hate being a girl. A girl cannot tell a guy how she feels about him until the guy court her. I know I can easily change that but I don’t want to. I am not one of them girls. Guys can choose among every girl but girls are limited to choose among guys courting them. Isn’t it unfair? All a girl is to do is wait and wait and wait until the guy they like finally notice and court her. But what if they guy is not doing anything? Is he worth waiting for?

          Knowing a guy for twelve years already and knowing that he has been in love with you for eight years now without him telling you that fact is such a crap! What will you do? Keep waiting, waiting and waiting? That is just too much! She wanted the guy to tell her how he feels, how much he love her. She wanted him to court her. How would he know that she feels the same if he’s not telling her?

            I am so sorry for this piece. It ended up being full of dilemma which is not supposed to be. I do not know how to end it. I am not yet ready to reveal anything. I should have not started and written this in the first place. My bad!-C

DUMB THINGS THAT GIRLS DO

                
                  I wrote this poem back when I was in college. This is in observation of why girls always have their heart broken and shattered in pieces. How do I know about these? Maybe because I have been my every girl friends' confidanté. I don't know why they trust me in giving them advice regarding heart problems when they know that I have never been in a relationship. So before everything directs back to me, here it is:

Don't fall in love too fast
Don't fall in love too deep
Don't fall in live too soon
So fast, it will brought you deep wounds and lead your fall soon.

Don't fall in love so hard
Don't fall in love so true
Don't fall in love so mad
Hardly, you cannot truly move on for you are so mad.

Don't give your whole heart
Don't give your whole trust
Don't give your whole life
He will just take your heart then take advantage of your trust to leave you with no life.

Don't give your whole.
Don't give your full.
Don't give your soul.
Don't give your all.

                  I find this almost similar to The Script's Fall for Anything. Take time to listen to it.

Fall for Anything

The Script

Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4

Don’t keep yourself away
Don’t live your life that way
Of course he’s gonna say anything you want
Then leave quicker than he came now you got yourself to blame
Don’t put yourself back in the fire again

It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again

So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything

Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4

Oh, please don’t be so naïve
Don’t wait ‘till your heart bleeds
Love wasn’t built for speed, listen to me girl
He keeps fuckin’ with your head, tryna get you into bed
And in the morning you’ll just hate yourself

It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again

So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything

Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4

And you give until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give x3

Before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for everything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything

Before they break you down, down, down
Cause girl they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down

Download link:

The Script - Fall for Anything