Sometimes I feel like I’m not living a normal life. Yes I may have a
good job, great friends and I can do whatever I want if I choose to but…
I feel like I don’t have the right to do so. I feel like I’m imprisoned
in a small box. Too afraid to get out and be judged by anyone. I want to be able to live like I’m young, single and free.
I
don’t want to act like the oldest in the family who has to oversee
and handle everything. For once, I don’t want to be the one who everyone
runs to when things fucked up. I don’t want to do all the thinking
and make the decision for everyone. I want to be able to make mistakes
and shake off the result as if I’m supposed to make them. I want to act
like I’m 28 without anything to be stressed about.
I don’t want to act
like a mother who thinks about the welfare of her children first before
hers. For once, I don’t want to work overtime as if I have to earn the
money to feed four children and a husband. I don’t want to ignore the
attention of the boys like a married woman is supposed to. I want to be
able to make a decision without considering other people. I want to act like a single woman who doesn’t have commitments and doesn’t need to care about anyone.
I
don’t want to act like I know everything and that I am not capable of making
mistakes. For once, I don’t want to feel guilty about what I say to people
and what I feel towards anyone. I don’t want to think too much about the
consequences of my actions. I want to act stupid and not be judged as being not so smart. I want to act like a daredevil without a care in the world.
For 26 years, I
thought I was living a normal life until I lost my mother and
everything went array. I thought I was standing so high seeing the
world until my rock fell and I went down with it. I had to assume so much responsibilities that I forgot to live my life. Right now, I wish I can live like I’m young, single and free because I am… YOUNG, SINGLE and FREE. -C
