I’ve been avoiding heartbreaks and heartaches my whole life. Okay,
maybe not completely because I love imagining and reading angst stories. But in real life, I never let myself be in a
position where one person can have the power to break my heart. In my 30 years
of existence on Earth, I’ve only had two serious heartbreaks that I believe I
have not completely moved on until today. One was when I discovered that the
guy that I really like is committed to someone else, I was 18 back then. Second was when I
lost my mother which happened only four years ago. Today, I can’t believe
I’m feeling this again and I can’t believe I’m crying over it.
I’m in the office when
I read it on Instagram. Funny how social media plays a big part in all three of my
painful life events. It’s 4:36pm and I’m supposed to be working but all I want
to do right now is go home, bury my head under the pillow, sulk and cry. I want
to listen to sad songs and feel the pain and hurt myself some more. And while
I’m doing all of that, I want the rain to fall! I want to run on the edge of a cliff and
scream my pain. That is really dramatic but I’m seriously freaking hurting right
now!
I have plans
to go to church but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to control my waterfall of
tears. It's embarrassing. I’m so mad at myself right now because I gave someone
the power to break my heart, break me. I invested too much emotions when I
shouldn’t have cared at all. I had a choice, I don’t want to regret anything
because that part of my life was happy. I was happy for almost three years.
I Was Curious, I Got Hurt
I was just curious
I was just curious
so I moved closer
I fell, but I did not care
it was a happy place, I swear.
The magic continues
we got more ambitious
thought of forever
come hell or high water
Milestones by milestones
we were on top of them all
until one rock fell
followed by a couple more
We tried to get up
stand up and fall again
now we’re in a lot of pain
but who is to blame?
Pointing fingers started the rift
now we can’t get past it
I didn’t like the fall out
but I hated the pain more. -C
