Family First

You pushed the wrong person outside your door and now you're the one on the outside looking in. I hate to say this but that's what you get when you chose her over us/me. ;-( -C

About A "Couple"

All along we thought we were just waiting for the guy to make his move so they can finally be together. It didn't occur to us that maybe, the girl was the problem. She is still stuck with her feelings for someone from her past relationship. That is why even if the guy makes his move, they still can't be together.

Some stories are more complicated than we thought. -C

Hate is a Strong Word But...

She hates it when people worry about her like she's a fragile little girl. They think she's quiet, naïve, gentle and too trusting. They don't think she can handle things just fine. But those people who know her, really know her, are aware that she's a strong person. Geee, she's even dominant. She maybe small in size but she's as tough as a big man. And please, she's far from being quiet, naïve, gentle and trusting. She doesn't even trust anyone. 

She hates people who can't stand on their own. Those who are too dependent; always asking for help; cannot make their own decisions; too afraid to take a risk. She does everything on her own that's why she doesn't understand why others can't especially if she's the one being bothered. Maybe she's too independent that's why she hates those who cannot (be independent).

She hates it when someone decides for her just as she hates deciding for someone else. She doesn't want anyone meddling in her life. Her life, her decisions; Her mistakes, her consequences. You can call her selfish but as much as possible, she doesn't want to make decisions having to consider another person. She makes the decision and she doesn't want to be accountable to anyone.

She hates the feeling of being nervous. Mentally, she can control it and still have an organized thought. She can still stay on point and say the right words. The problem is, physically, she's a mess. Once nervousness hits, her voice and hands will start to tremble too bad it's too obvious to everyone. She will literally gasps for air before she can finish a sentence. She doesn't know what to do about it and it sucks. -C

What If This is Just a Phase?

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder… but what if, just what if, you were gone for too long that I accidentally moved on? Or what if I was only in love with the idea of us but when we get together the magic is gone? What if this is just a phase? -C

Young, Single and Free

      Sometimes I feel like I’m not living a normal life. Yes I may have a good job, great friends and I can do whatever I want if I choose to but… I feel like I don’t have the right to do so. I feel like I’m imprisoned in a small box. Too afraid to get out and be judged by anyone. I want to be able to live like I’m young, single and free.

​I don’t want to act like the oldest in the family who has to oversee and handle everything. For once, I don’t want to be the one who everyone runs to when things fucked up. I don’t want to do all the thinking and make the decision for everyone. I want to be able to make mistakes and shake off the result as if I’m supposed to make them. I want to act like I’m 28 without anything to be stressed about.

​I don’t want to act like a mother who thinks about the welfare of her children first before hers. For once, I don’t want to work overtime as if I have to earn the money to feed four children and a husband. I don’t want to ignore the attention of the boys like a married woman is supposed to. I want to be able to make a decision without considering other people. I want to act like a single woman who doesn’t have commitments and doesn’t need to care about anyone.

​I don’t want to act like I know everything and that I am not capable of making mistakes. For once, I don’t want to feel guilty about what I say to people and what I feel towards anyone. I don’t want to think too much about the consequences of my actions. I want to act stupid and not be judged as being not so smart. I want to act like a daredevil without a care in the world.

​For 26 years, I thought I was living a normal life until I lost my mother and everything went array. I thought I was standing so high seeing the world until my rock fell and I went down with it. I had to assume so much responsibilities that I forgot to live my life. Right now, I wish I can live like I’m young, single and free because I am… YOUNG, SINGLE and FREE. -C

Play the Game

I was alone downstairs

sittin' on a chair

drying up my hair

feet up, without a care.

Munching on marshmallows

watching an MTV show

VJ said, T.Swift is to follow

late at night, so hollow.

She talked about men

how a love could mend

and break and burn and end

and watched it begin again.

Lucky are those women

who could start all over again

I mean who wouldn't

wanna let go of the burden.

Some may choose to continue walking

barely breathing

surviving but not living

they believe it is still worth fighting.

Some became scared of the flame

but who are we to blame?

Pain is part of the game

even if you didn't mean it as you claim.

So if someone choose to stay

or seek new love like a needle in a stack of hay

or be on the safe side just to feel okay

it's everyone's decision how they'll play. -C

 

Apple of the Eyes

              This is new to me. I was never the favorite. I was always the forgotten one. Either that or everyone hates me. That's what I thought. I was either quiet, sarcastic or intimidating. I was never approachable and friendly. But this, this is very alien to me. I'm not sure if I like it because I don't like too much attention. But I'm pretty sure I don't hate it. I'm just worried that more people will hate me because I am someone's apple of the eyes. It's human nature.

               I cannot tell the exact time and moment that this thing started happening to me but I can tell you that it was after I was no longer my Mom's favorite. I mean, I will always be her favorite but she's not here with me anymore to show that to me. So I think everything is happening because of her. I think this is her way of showing me that there is someone who still cares. That I am not alone. That that someone may not be her but she made sure that there is somebody. Or I guess this my own twisted way of thinking that she is still here with me, taking care of me, supporting me. -C