Hiding Place

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHT CORNER!

This is my personal "hiding place" where I can talk about my feelings and thoughts freely; the perfect corner where I can give life to my daydreams and complain about my reality; an escape to share my kind of crazy and keep my sanity. I love words that rhyme and that is not a crime. This is a mixture of darkness, butterflies and confetti. If you're still reading this then it's working so go ahead and enjoy the rest of it. - C

Sunday, January 28, 2018

The Journal That I Never Had

     I wanted to write about something but I still have so many drafts in my folder, some are too short to publish while some contain unfinished thoughts. So here I am compiling everything in one entry so they don’t go to waste. While doing so, I felt like I’m reading my journal, except, I don’t have a journal. There are some dates though that I don’t recall and some writings that I don’t remember the story behind. I’m just glad that I write about my thoughts whenever I can rather than talk about it with another person because it might put me in trouble. Tee-hee! Okay, here goes nothing.


UNHAPPY
August 6, 2016 
I can handle being tired but I cannot handle being unhappy.

Growing up, I never felt the need nor the want to work abroad. My mother was against it too so I guess I was fine working in the Philippines. Despite the situation, I still ended up here – abroad. And now I feel like I’m being robbed of seven months of my life. I’m earning money but I'm losing my life.

 BLACK OR WHITE
August 10, 2016
Then: I gave up an Incubus concert (can you imagine that? a freakin’ Incubus concert!) to which I have filed a vacation leave for just to finish a project because someone in position needs it. In the end, I was reprimanded for a small detail that I overlooked. Of course my “hard work” was appreciated but then again, people forget all the good things that you’ve done when one thing goes wrong.

Now: I spent 3 days, barely sleeping, just to finish a report for someone, also in position. One cannot imagine the level of stress I had while doing that report and people around me following up for a lot of other things. In the end, no appreciation, not even a simple “thank you” from that person. And now, it looks like more people are not happy that I provided that report. I’ve been chastised count of times and I’m not hearing the end of it.

It takes away my drive to perform at work every freaking time. One minute I’m “one of the best” at what I do, the next minute I’m being questioned why I’m doing things I’m not supposed to do. This job is confusing me. 
 
COOL DOWN
October 1, 2016 
Whenever I’m mad at someone, I create different scenarios in my head with the perfect lines to get back at that person that I’m so mad at. But then our paths will cross again and I’ll realize that I’ve spent so much time imagining that my temper had simmer down. Either that or my non-confrontational self will take over my bad ass self who is hidden somewhere.
  
WEAK HEART
November 27, 2016 
Either this situation will turn my heart ice-cold or I will have to go back home because my heart is weakly designed to face this kind of environment.
STAY
February 12, 2017 
There are days when you wanted to stay and there are days when you ask yourself why you stayed. You think about your financial needs so you hold on but then you also have to think about your sanity so you weigh the options. 

I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to live in fear. I don’t want to live with too much pressure. I’ve had enough of that.

PRIORITIES 
February 28, 2017 
Think about your priorities. What’s important? What makes you happy?

TRUTH
March 21, 2017 
Why I rarely ask questions? Because most of the time, I know the real truth which is different from the truth that people are going to give me if I ask. I’m not saying that people around me are liars but I’m pretty sure that everyone is hiding something.

GOOD INFLUENCE
March 21, 2017 
There are people you NEED to be around and there are people you WANT to be around. I remember hearing this from one of the commentators in a basketball game. Me, I want to be around people who are good influence – people who will inspire you to be a good person.
 
MOTHERS’ DAY
May 13, 2017 
I did not realize the importance of Mothers’ Day until I lost my mother. So to everyone who still have their mothers with them, please greet them while you can. It may be as simple as a greeting but I’m sure your mothers would appreciate it. Shower them with love.
 
WORTHLESS
May 16, 2017 
Have you ever wonder what you purpose in life is? What if today is your last day on Earth? What would happen when you’re gone? Will they mourn, will they cry? Will they miss you, will they even notice?
 
FREEDOM
September 20, 2017 
I used to dream of getting married and having my own family. Then I discovered traveling and along the way I fell in love with my freedom. I found out that there is so much more the world can offer and I cannot see it if I am confined in a relationship. -

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