Since I learned what New Year is (which I cannot remember when), I have always been looking forward to it. As a matter of fact, I am more excited for it that for Christmas. May be because of the fireworks, it looks more lively. Everybody is awake, anxiously waiting for the countdown and when everybody starts counting and it comes down to zero, everybody will jump their highest jump. You will see some are throwing coins, making their pocket full of coins sound the loudest, people hugging, people eating, people yelling and all that. Oh how I love New Year.
This New Year, 2008, is different. Well, yes, I am excited and loving it but I am scared at the same time. This is the year when there are a bunch of realities that I have to face. The reality that I am to add another year to my age this March, the reality that I am expected to graduate on May, the reality that I am expected to pass the CPA Board Exam on October, the reality that I am supposed to find a job (and I mean real and serious job) after passing the board exam probably December and God knows what other expectations might follow after that. I feel my life flashes before me, a sign that made me realize that everything is becoming a serious matter for me. This is the real life waiting by the door welcoming me. This is the real life that I have been dreaming of since I was a kid. Now I wish to go back from being a kid when everything was so simple. But I know it won’t happen. Should I enter now or should I let another year pass? Wait until I’m ready. Or waiting will just be a waste of time?
This one that they call life is a stressful and pressuring for me. Everybody is saying “you can do it!” Everybody believes that you can do everything. But that statement for me means more that what it actually says. It means “everybody knows that you can do it therefore you should not fail”. This is too much to carry over my shoulder. What if you even doubt if you will pass the examinations at school? What more for a board exam? What if graduating from the last semester is not even certain? What more in finding a serious job? There are so many doubts and uncertainties in this world yet it feels like people around you already know what will be the outcome. Sometimes, I just want to be one of the expectators instead of being the one expected to do something. How can they have so much faith in me when I, myself, don’t?
I should not lose hope. There are so many people believing in me – family, friends, classmates, professors, neighbors, acquaintances. I must not let them down. I believe that God will guide me and he will never let me fall. He will guide me the way he did every time I feel like giving up. I believe he has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me. And if ever life decides to knock me down, I must choose to get back up. That’s how life is supposed to be.
Whatever the outcome will be this coming March, May, October and after that, I should not be ashamed. I have gone this far, I reckon, my failures will never fail me. I won’t let them. I am a survivor, I love my life and there’s nothing to hate about it. There is everything to be proud of. I am not cocky and I am not bragging.
There may be some situations that are out of control but in the long run, we will be thankful that we have gone through all those situations which made us live the now most lovable and exciting life. So love your life, if you can’t then maybe you can do something to make it lovable and exciting. -C
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